Often times my dad shared a bed with me and I remeber very clearly the beginning but not so much the end. Im 20 now. Have you experienced unexplainable mental breakdowns? Its those feelings that need to be processed, for us to truly find the peace so many of us seek after both abuse and feeling abandoned by our parents. Often CBT techniques were used to downplay abuse, encouraging me to reframe instances of abuse as normal caring behavior and to maintain a relationship with my abuser. My self-esteem is super low lets put it this way many of those symptoms i have been through and some i still have. Content is produced by editor and lead writer Andrea M Darcy, trained in person-centred counselling, and overseen by Dr Sheri Jacobson, retired BACP senior therapist & founder of London-based Harley Therapy Psychotherapy and Counselling as well as Harley Therapy Platform, a network of therapists across the UK. And you shouldnt feel ashamed as just about every woman has, unfortunately, had an unwanted sexual experience at some point.And its completely normal to be upset about it. What do I do? We can feel trapped an life will never change. Quiz: What's Your Relationship Knowledge Level? So is it time to gather up all your courage and finally reach out for that help? Its not a good idea to accuse someone of something if it puts your wellbeing at risk. Don't worry! They stuff about their family that I really resonate with and I keep thinking why am I resonating with this, like I actually had majority of all their thoughts sorroundong certain situations. I had multiple eating disorders, cutting, self harm, banging my head trying to make myself black out, bad self esteem, suicidal thoughts, always feeling dirty, anxiety attacks, stressed all the time, and I have to know what is going on 24/7 or else I have major anxiety, etc. All the best. As we cant change the past. I remembered as a child around age six I did things that were provocative, even explicit, and I wondered where I learned them. If you are in the UK, do call Childline if you ever feel very upset, its a free service for young people. Im also very scared of doing anything sexual, despite wanting to be in a relationship, even the thought of it makes me quite frightened. A counsellor or therapist who has experience with childhood trauma. You are just struggling with some issues, and you are not alone in struggling with them. Thank you so much for all this brave sharing. Enacting something youd seen or experienced. (he was a junior in highschool, his parents put him in school late) It wasnt until the end of eighth grade year that things kind of took a turn. And nowhere in the Bible does it say thou shalt forgive immediately. The fact that I might go to hell, If there is a hell, scares me and so i cant kill myself. I dont go out or call family or friends like I used to. We often talk about how its not actually the norm or necessary to enjoy sex, particularly while still very young, and that films and TV create false ideas. I just need someones opinion on what I should do, and if they think the behavior Im currently exhibiting means that its definitely possible this happened to me. See our website aims. That takes knowing someone. Thanks for reading. But, it doesn't have to be abusive for it to be a toxic relationship. I went back. Its your body and life.) (5 years). But it is not a form of abuse. Then you might find your anxiety and depression becomes manageable. I have some memories of being abused as a child, but theyre not very clear so I dont know what to make of them. But later never came. Financial Abuse Quiz. i am turning 13 and,i think i was abused i remember sleeping and waking up with no pants i would have had pants on because it was winter and my mom was always afraid of my uncle and he would give me things when we were together he would let me watch movies late at night and they werent kid friendly i was 7-9. i dont know if i was i have anger issues and i think about ending it i have been having nightmares and they feel real. Hi Annoymous, children are curious about their bodies and the bodies of other kids. Has anyone ever forced you to watch pornographic material? It sounds like you are really struggling with anxiety and self-esteem issues. Wed highly suggest you reach out for help with this one. Ive been suspecting that I might have been abused for some time now. Is there a friend or family member you trust, or does your school have a counsellor who seems nice? Ever since then, Ive been more on edge about relationships and fooling around with guys, (ex. And Im still a virgin (I think) so I cant really relate to any of the sexual symptoms beyond that. We have a good article here on what to do if you think you were abused which might be helpful http://bit.ly/dealwithabuse. I dont know, but I need to get it out. I do also have the illness called paranoia schizophrenia. Id be very grateful if you could offer advice about those questions or point me to resources that may do so. He was a drunk who verbally abused me for years and of course, the bullying at school ensued. his is in his late 40s i couldnt walk after he rape me so i blame my mom for not taking notice of the way i work. I remember after every time it happened I would feel disgusting the next day. Wed highly recommend you reach out for support. Thanks to anyone who got to read this. But depending on what else went on, it might qualify as assault or abuse even depending on what country you are in, as there was more than three years age difference between you (explained by an American charity here https://www.stopitnow.org/faq/the-scope-of-child-sexual-abuse-definition-and-fact-sheet). I dont know if anything else happened because Ive forgotten. Of course asking your mother would not be helpful it seems, shed likely recommend going to see someone in the church which wont help but could make things worse, so see what you can find outside of such circles. I just dont feel part of the family and have a very poor relationship with them. She would have me put my hand in her pants and touch her bottom. i felt guilty for saying yes because i felt like a liar because i cant remember. Abuse also decimates trust. I know for sure that he physically abused him while he was young in elementary school. If you are looking for permission to blame your family, thats a bit trickier, and worth looking at how that will help you or hinder you before engaging in. Please helpcme. I have dealt with a lot of insecurities and self hate issues, and have had suicidal tendencies as well. These memories come in waves. Wed highly advise you seek professional support over this, as its clear you are unhappy and anxious and suffering low self-esteem. Also worth asking yourself, what does this idea I have forgiven him give me? Hi there. What could being told about this and the ultimate realisation of a life long problem do to me medically? The next thing is the same thing youll hear us emphasising in the other comments. I remember looking, close up, at an old womans vagina. For starters, if you are young, then its normal. Hope that helps. I dont want to look like Im accusing my dad. i said i had been. I dont even remember how he came about or how i learned his name, I just knew it. ( fortunately i have not that idea now) we live in an arabic society and its not easy to talk about these topics and your reply is making me stronger . Its very hard when abuse is linked to the Church or other forms of authority, and its deeply sad when power is abused in such ways, we are sorry to hear about it all. All we can do is seek support to help with our symptoms, our anxiety and harming, which you have. Seek someone you feel you can grow to trust over time. Do you crave yet are terrified of anything sexual? Nothing ever made sense, still doesnt. He had an erection and kept touching it, but we never touched each other. In general Im a weird person with a weird personality and maybe nothing happened to me. If you have been to a psychologist we would imagine that your mother is aware you need support. I ran away and told my mom the same evening whats happened, she talked to my dad (in front of me) and he pretended he didnt hear her. And I dont really care about being in his life TBH, even though I feel guilty about it sometimes because like I said he was the father I didnt have. Also that its normal for a child to feel guilty and like it is. I remember when me, my mom, and my sister were in the car and I was in the backseat in one of those large car seats ( that are only for like 3 to 4 years old) and I was rubbing my self on the seat belt in front of my legs, then my mom looked back and told my to stop and never do it again. But if you are perhaps a child in the fantasy with an adult, this would be more of a concern. Cut yourself some slack. My family would bring me to their friends and family places. Hi CT, its estimated that 1 in 4 children suffer from some sort of abuse as children. It mostly bothers me with his situation, though, since my mom found out and he said to her when it happened that I wanted to see him exposing himself. From a very young age I remember being very sexually aware. Wed highly recommend you do what you can to find some. I can still remember the acts I was forced to do, it was an older sibling who did this to me, and he was just 15 years old. Is there a trusted adult you can talk to about your anxiety or a counsellor at school? I am a male, as a child i would poo in my pants occasionally until I was about 8 or 9. I constantly feel like all Im going to be good at in a realtionship is a sexual pleaser. As a therapy company we could also not make any judgement calls about if someone was or wasnt abused without knowing them really well and working with them, we cant go on just a few comments. Or would your parents be open to helping you get counselling? Being sexually abused as a child can cause long-term symptoms of trauma, now called 'complex post-traumatic stress disorder' or 'c-PTSD'. So I inboxed him word for word what she told me from the recording and asked him for a death bed confession. Quiz Questions, 7th Grade Science Quiz Questions and Answers. I feel very uncomfortable sharing this but its kinda anonymous so f*** it. This was all 30 years ago. Something else that in hindsight is odd, I have quite disordered eating where I often starve myself with the wish to look like a child, I literally want to look like a twelve year old. I havent been diagnosed with anything since my mom refuses to bring me in, she thinks Im attention seeking and just want to be able to say that I have a mental illness. Hypnosis will not help you deal with all your issues with boundaries, anger, and confusion. It could be that you saw a man naked on a beach and forgot it, it could be you were abused, you just cant be sure at this point, and you will drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out! Any suggestions or advice? Creyci, what a hard experience. I should not have known any of this at that age. I was also encouraged in therapy to maintain and try to repair my relationship with my abuser, since my cognitive distortions were seen as the primary cause of my stress in that relationship. Im writing here because I dont want to talk about this with anybody I know because its just weird and probably nothing happened to me. We really believe with the right support you could start to feel worthy, liked, and able to trust again. It was my distorted thinking that made me so unhappy to live with my abuser and made me not love her. Its less about proving or knowing, unless we find a time machine we cant. Although not a guarantee. Around that time I also became very uncomfortable talking to my mom about those things, or watching sex scenes in movies with her in the room, etc. When he would stay the night, he would sneak into my room and do things that made me feel as if he started falling for me. In summary, particularly as you are experiencing rape fantasies and have food issues, wed say that its well worth seeking counselling over. And now when I think about it, I feel disgusting and shameful. And yet you are still evidently living your life from a space of severe anxiety and maybe complex PTSD. When I was around 7 or 8, my older male cousin started doing things to me. But so too do many other traumas happen. As for what to do next, you are at that point where its all boiling up and you are full of rage, but its actually a very vulnerable moment, where you need to go slowly and prioritise self care, any kind of confrontation now when you are vulnerable and feeling sensitive could leave you feeling worse and not better. Similar situations happened everytime I went round, and yet I have such strong memories of it all, it makes me feel physically sick. When I am drunk I can be very sexual and am much more likely to enjoy the sex. Did you not get a counsellor or therapist to help? It doesnt need to come out all in one day. Take these awesome sexual harassment quizzes online to gain knowledge and flaunt it across the web. Its been a big road block for a while and its making it really hard to function normally. We have articles on here about boundaries and saying no, do give them a read if you have a chance. And a hypnotherapist who said they could help you find out would be a dangerous quack, a proper clinical hypnotherapist would never offer this service as to get you to remember would involve influencing you. I have suffered from SEVERE anxiety for as long as i can remember. I also have sex fantasies of being raped and in them I like it, which is scary. I also remember times where when I was around 7-8 years old toys would be put in my underwear-it was never shoved up but it always felt uncomfortable. Its a high statistic. Whether you know it or not, you will be making decisions to prove that belief right. I dont want to have sex because I hate myself. But again, it can be all sorts of different trauma. The main thing is to think of your own self care and what you can and cant handle, and to find support to help you. Being near him was repulsive. Hi Brit, we simply couldnt tell you that, as we cant get in a time machine and go into your past the best thing is to focus on getting support for your anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, which are all important things to get help with, and then develop a relationship of trust with your counsellor or therapist who can then work on this with you. We are in the UK but see you are in Canada and found this one for you https://kidshelpphone.ca/what-is-kids-help-phone. 5. I blocked all this out till now. And then dont feel comfortable telling their parents if something goes wrong, as in your story. Ive been very sexual though since as long as I can remember but as far back as that memory goes, I dont remember anyone doing anything to me. hello, im here to tell you that i remember nothing about childhood however when i was 15 years old i faced sexual harassment when i was asleep from 2 of my cousins ,at that moment i couldnt react ,i did nothing but i can remember their hands touching me and hearing their voices .. also i remember from childhood one of my uncles who used to love me so much ,he used to bought me everything i like and he lived with us for a period of time (he used drugs) however my parents were not aware of that and they didnt realise that this might harm us as girls (we are 4 girls in the family) .i have scars on the face but i dont know till now they are caused by what.. after what happened to me by my cousins i tried so hard to forget about that and i used to talk to them as they did nothing to me (i dont know why) . I also hate things like ASMR. I struggle as I dont understand why I can remember bits clearly about the other two men yet these feeling/thoughts terrify me its so intense I feel so bad, Im terrified Ive made it up, lying. i came online to search for signs your great grandfather stuck his penis into your mouth at an age too early to remember.i am thinking this must be a very common thing or at least in the old days before birth controlas the opening of a baby crying for its mom is exactly a warm inviting spot for an old man who had a very controlling wife and not allowed to have sex during his lifetime much on his own termsi have only symptoms which i could lay out for you here but i dont want to waste the time I need to find information which talks about thismust be a very common thing that has happened to young toddlers when left alone at grandma or great grandmas am i right? I was cold and had a blanket over me, he started tickling me and I wasnt opposed to it because I really liked him and wanted him to like me. Of course children need to be taught their body is theirs and private, and that nobody else has the right to touch their body. Once, I recall, I was getting changed in my bedroom and my father tried to get in. I feel that memories/emotions are surfacing through the EMDR but still no hard evidence. I thought I overcame and that Ive moved on. I suppose my questions are related to whether its ok to say, Im pretty sure I was abused, when I really have no clear memory? If you are student your high school or counsellor should have a counsellor you can talk to. I wet the bed until I was about 10 years old. In between relationships I would have drunken sex with people. Is it possible that its just my PTSD causing this and not related to any sexual abuse? I would imagine hurting them physically. It really does help. I was abused sexually when I was around 4-5 years old. Thanks for sharing. Take time alone to journal, to do things that you enjoy, be as kind to yourself as you can.
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